Tuesday, March 26, 2024

Two Salvadorans

 I Care International did something new during its 2024 mission to El Salvador.  We were asked by our hosts to devote our first day of clinic to the residents, staff, and neighbors of a small congregate center for children and adolescents.  We immediately agreed to help.

The name of this small institution is important.  Hogar in Spanish is home, as opposed to casa which is house.  Agape is a Greek word which translates to unconditional love, a wonderful concept but one humans struggle to live up to.  I encountered that word before in my career as a social worker serving children and families.

The staff of Hogar Agape take pains not to identify their facility as an orphanage.  Orphan implies a child whose parents are deceased.  Throughout the world that is rarely the case for children who find themselves being cared for by those outside their family.  Most children in such situations have parents but cannot live with them for a variety of reasons; poverty, abandonment, abuse, and neglect among them.  

A turn off a well-traveled highway outside San Miguel took our bus up a steep and rocky dirt road.  As our bus climbed the hill, we were about to enter El Salvador’s child welfare system.

As we neared the facility, the road ran out.  The last two hundred yards were too steep and rutted for the bus.  Some walked the rocky path to the gate.  I rode in a 4x4 truck with big tires carrying our equipment.  The driver of the truck was a young woman with a great smile who had full control of its manual transmission, downshifting often and at the right times.  She was Hogar Agape’s superintendent.

At the top the path ended, a gate swung open, and we entered the grounds of Hogar Agape.  A sturdy fence surrounded a small group of brightly painted buildings and cottages.  Children of all ages and adult staff greeted us.  I sensed that they didn’t get a lot of visitors, especially those packing 6,000 pairs of used glasses, optical equipment, and several suitcases of donations. We figured if we were coming all that way, we could bring them more than glasses.


Their modest requests prior to the trip gave us an idea of their needs.  In the suitcases were toothpaste and toothbrushes, barrettes and hairbrushes, and various other personal care items.  When we relayed their requests to our I Care members and supporters we were floored by their response.  Many responded with gifts of cash.

They guided us to a small central building where we set up six stations: intake and eye charts outside, nurses, auto refractors, eye docs, and dispensing inside.  Though we anticipated serving only a hundred or so patients, and tried to limit ourselves to equipment and glasses which were absolutely necessary, I think we unpacked just about everything.

We gave eye exams to everyone; children, staff, neighbors, and the vehicle drivers.  Not our normal population.  When free clinics are advertised in needy communities, they attract people who struggle with their vision and have good reasons to seek help. At Hogar Agape we delivered a lot of good news.

“Enhorabuena, tus ojos son buenos.  No se necesitan gafas.”  (Congratulations, your eyes are good.  No glasses needed.)  At the same time, we encountered many whose vision needed correction.  For most, it was their first eye exam ever.

I fit a young woman I thought was a staff member with a serious degree of myopia who had never worn glasses.  She was so delighted when she looked out the window at the trees, she laughed out loud. 

But as much as she liked the new view, she was choosy about the style.  I have long since forgiven people of all ages who desire attractive eyewear.  Vanity is universal.  And as I told the young woman “Las gafas no te ayudarán si no las usas" (glasses will not help you if you don’t wear them.)

Styles come and go.  I had given her very small frames, which used to be in style, but she preferred something bigger.  I went back to our stock and found a larger frame with the same prescription.  She thanked me profusely.

After our work was done, we had hoped to present each resident with a gift bag of items volunteers back home had prepared for each young person served by Hogar Agape.  But a number of neighbor children were also congregated there, and the staff quickly realized it would be too awkward.  Also, quietly and without ceremony, we slipped the superintendent a check representing the generosity of I Care members and others who support their work.  We did what we set out to do.  It was a wonderful day.

I decided to try to walk down to where the bus was parked.  When the young woman I fitted with larger glasses for her myopia saw me doing so, and perhaps noticed my awkwardness, she quickly came to my side, took my bag, clamped onto my arm, and helped me.  It gave us a chance to talk.  We spoke in Spanish, but I’m reporting our conversation in English.  

“How old are you?”

“Nineteen.”

“How long have you worked here?”

“I don’t work here, I’m a resident.”

“Really?  How old were you when you came?”

“Ten.”

“And you have lived here since?  Only here?”

“Yes.  Some of the older staff who came here as children stayed as staff, but I’m going to leave.”

“What is next for you?”

“I want to go to school.  I like it, and I get good grades.”

“What do you want to study?”

“I want to be a lawyer.”

“Do you know where you will study?”

“No.  But I know I want to leave El Salvador.”

“Where will you go?  The United States?”

“No.  Everyone talks about the United States, but I need to study in Spanish.  There are good schools in South America.  I would like to go to Chile.  Maybe Argentina.”

“Be careful here,” she said.  She pulled me across a deep rut to a smoother side of the road.

“Do you have a plan?”

“I’m putting one together.  Agape wants to help.  There may be scholarships.  Perhaps the church will help.  And I’ll work.  It may take a while, but I’m young.”

My thoughts went to resources available to young people who have grown up in the child welfare system in Illinois.  Unfortunately, El Salvador’s system is largely local and supported almost entirely by charity.  I imagined the obstacles she would face, but I also felt her determination. 

We reached the bus.  She gave me a hug and thanked me again for the glasses. 

“You have your whole life in front of you, and you have a good plan.  Good luck.  I’ll be thinking of you.”

I’m still thinking of her, and all the young people served by Hogar Agape.  There is so much need in the world, yet so much potential. Sometimes you have the privilege of seeing both closeup.  It gives me hope.    

* * * * * * * * *

During the three days following our visit to Hogar Agape, we served the people of San Alejo and its surrounding area.  San Alejo is a community of about 20,000 forty-five minutes east of San Miguel.  In contrast to San Miguel, El Salvador’s second-largest city at just over 500,000 people, San Alejo is quiet, and the people are tranquilo.  It was a pleasure serving them.  In three days, I Care provided services to nearly a thousand Salvadorans in San Alejo.  Follows is the story of just one, Ami, a nine-year-old girl accompanied by her mother.  She was a special patient.

Ami was diagnosed with both myopia and astigmatism.  Myopia is also called near-sightedness, meaning those with the condition can typically see well close up, for reading as an example, but for objects farther away, their vision blurs and is indistinct.  

Astigmatism, a deviation from the normal curve of the cornea or lens of the eye, further complicated Ami’s vision.  Astigmatism distorts both near and far vision.  Ami’s astigmatism was serious.  So much so that the optometrist examining her knew we would not have glasses that matched her needs in our stock of 6,000 used glasses we brought for the clinic.  Pronounced astigmatism demands a nearly perfect prescription to be satisfactorily corrected.  Ami fit a small category of patients that required we make custom lenses back home and deliver them back to her in El Salvador.  It’s an expensive process.  I Care does because what is more important in the life of a nine-year-old than good vision?

Both Ami and her mother were surprised and a bit confused by this turn of events.  Ami’s mother explained that she brought Ami to the clinic because she noticed her squinting and struggling to make out street signs and the like but had no idea the extent of her problem.

“Is it true that children think their vision is normal and only realize what seeing well really is when they get glasses?  I feel bad I didn’t get help for her until now.”

She was speaking Spanish rapidly and I asked her to repeat it more slowly.  Then I understood.

“Yes, it’s true.  There is no way for someone with faulty vision to know what good vision is until it is corrected.  It can’t be helped without an eye exam.”

Her eyes began to tear up.  Ami looked at her mother with alarm.  I began a story I’ve told many times in past clinics.

” In the United States, it is normal that school children get their first eye exam in grade three when they are nine.  It happened to me.  I failed that eye test at school.  My eyes were like Ami’s.  I had both myopia and astigmatism.  When I got my first pair of glasses, I walked outside the eye clinic and looked down the street at a maple tree.  I could see every leaf on the tree when before I only saw green.  It was like the world opened up for me.”

“That’s what will happen to you Ami.  For people like us, the world is a much bigger place with glasses.  And, if you are like me when I was nine, you won’t want to take them off.”


Ami’s Mom put her arm around her daughter.  I handed her my handkerchief so she could wipe away her tears.

We bring empty frames to our clinics just for this purpose.  I asked Kelly, who makes her living as an optician, to help me.

“See that little girl over there?  She’s nine and we’re going to make her custom lenses back home.  Help me find some cute frames for her to choose from that will fit her face.”

From our stash of empty frames, Kelly found eight or so frames that she thought might work, but there was a special pair she thought were special.

“Kids her age really go for these.” Kelly held up a pink pair of Juicy Couture frames.  “I bet she picks these.”

I laid out all eight frames on our worktable for Ami and her Mom to see.  Ami’s small hand went straight for the pink Juicy Coutures.

“Put them on.”

They fit perfectly.  I showed Ami her face with the glasses using my cell phone.  She smiled broadly.  Her Mom, still misty-eyed, dabbed her eyes with my handkerchief a final time and handed it back to me. 

I measured the distance between Ami’s pupils, noted it on her intake sheet with the prescription, and then adjusted the frames so they fit a tad tighter.  I confirmed the family’s home address and a good cell number, wrapped the frames up in her paperwork, and secured it all with two rubber bands.

We estimate between four to six weeks before custom-made glasses make it back to the recipient’s home country.  It’s not making the glasses that takes the time, but making sure we can deliver them safely and securely.  Postal systems in the countries we serve are not always trustworthy.  We much prefer giving custom glasses to a traveler who can deliver the glasses directly to our in-country hosts who in turn deliver them in person.  Glasses for someone who needs them that much are very precious cargo.

The young woman at Hogar Agape who received her first ever pair of glasses at nineteen, and Ami, who got her first pair at age nine, are a study in contrasts.  Ami’s mother, attentive to her family’s needs, sought us out because she suspected something was wrong with her daughter’s vision.  It would be ten years after whatever storm blew the aspiring law student’s family apart and caused her to be institutionalized until she would realize a similar benefit.   Yet in both cases, I Care International was there to help them.

Thank you all, on behalf of the people we serve, for making such work possible through your support.



Friday, March 1, 2024

June is Three

We spent a long weekend in Chicago celebrating our granddaughter June’s birthday.  It was a doozy.  She can make the “b” sound but somehow has not connected it to the beginning of birthday.  When I walked into her house on Friday, she ran to me busting to talk.

“Papa, it’s my ‘irthday!  And I’m three!”

“You’re not a baby anymore June.”

“No. I’m big!”

June grows and changes every day.  Especially when it comes to vocabulary.  A popular phrase in her house, often spoken to her by her parents, is “use your words.”  She has command of more and more every day.  But there are times she forgets to use them.

The twos weren’t terrible for June as often billed.  But she does have difficulty when she doesn’t get her way.  She’s not screaming as often anymore, but she gets visibly angry. That’s when her parents say “use your words”, and then use their words back.  It’s beginning to work.  Every day she finds new words to express how she feels.  Not that speech and cognition are magic bullets. 

Consider this day earlier in the week.  My daughter Maureen, June’s mother, had to work early and Shannon, June’s nanny, arrived while June was still having breakfast.  Maureen left right away. 

When breakfast was over, June pointed to a cabinet and said “biden.”  Long i. 

“Biden?” Shannon repeated.  She had no idea what June was saying.  Couldn’t be the president.

“What is biden, June?”

“Biden,” June said louder, surprised that Shannon didn’t understand, and annoyed.

The day fell apart from there.  June wouldn’t let it go, and Shannon couldn’t figure out how to break the code.  She looked in the cabinet, tried to distract June, and did often, but throughout the day June would remember, go to the kitchen, demand “biden”, and melt down when she didn’t get what she wanted.  Shannon marks it as one of their worst days.

June’s dad Don goes to work early and gets home first.  As soon as he walked in the back door, June ran towards him, with Shannon close behind. 

“Daddy!  Biden!”

Don opened the cupboard, pulled out a bottle of children’s vitamin gummies from the back, and gave her one.  June looked at Shannon and gloated.

“Biden is June’s word for vitamin.  We give her one in the morning when she finishes breakfast.  She thinks it’s a treat.”

”You guys,” Shannon said,  “you have to tell me these things.  She’s been frustrated and mad at me all day.”

Everybody is doing the best they can.  Learning a language is not a smooth road.

The weekend was packed.  Saturday morning, we made pancakes.  June is always part of this.  She’s handy with the whisk, as long as the bowl is wide and deep.

“I do it,” she says, adding the ingredients her mom measures out; three tablespoons of baking powder to the flour, a bunch of chia seeds, and a measure of oat milk.  I mash a banana and slide it in the bowl, her mom adds sugar.  A little skimpy on the sugar, I think.  She’ll be skimpy with the syrup too when they’re served.  I always want to sweeten it up more for June.  Not my call.  When the ingredients are assembled, June does the whisking.  She’s done it before and considers it her job. 

These words “I do it” pop up often.  June likes to pick out her clothes, undress, and dress herself.  It’s faster for adults to dress her.  Sometimes June gets her underwear on backwards or gets one leg in a leg hole and the other in the waistband.  But I’ve learned to use my words, wait patiently, and let her do it.  Harder than it seems.  I have no idea how this all worked at our house thirty-seven years ago when June’s mom was her age.  Gone from the memory bank.  It’s parenting, or rather grandparenting, made new for me by the years.

After breakfast, we drove to Great Wolf Lodge in Gurnee, a giant water park with an attached hotel and more.  The parking lot is sprawling and full.  You can smell the chlorine as soon as you walk in the door. 

People are already waiting for the water park to open with all their gear: floaties, goggles, coolers, you name it.  When the park opens, those in line rush to get seats close to the action, where they set up camp, watch their kids, shout above the rush and noise of the water, and enjoy the day.  For us, it was find our room, get our swimming suits on, and get in the water as soon as possible.

Despite all that Great Wolf Lodge is: food stands, an arcade, a dance hall, a giant breakfast buffet, a ropes course, and more – in the end it’s all about the water.  Looming just past the lobby is a giant two-story-tall space with tubes and slides winding through it, towers of steps, a giant bucket that dumps every ten minutes or so, a wave pool, screams, crying, laughter, heat, humidity, and chaos.  The place was absolutely stuffed with kids and young parents.  Circling the whole kit and kaboodle was the lazy river, packed with inner tubes and people.  At least they were all going the same direction. 

We were there last year for June’s birthday, so she knew the drill.  This year she immediately disappeared.  Her parents assumed she would go to the little kid’s slides she enjoyed last year, but no.  June had other ideas.  June’s other grandma, Nona, who had trailed behind, caught up to us and pointed.

“I saw her go straight up those stairs.”

It was the tower leading to the big slides.  The rest of our group, June’s aunt and uncle and two cousins, friends of Don and Moe and their two boys, and Grandma Colleen, were carrying towels and gear to put down on chairs and mark our area.  I was empty-handed.

“I’ll find her” I said confidently and waded through the shallow water to the tower steps.

I arrived just in time for the giant bucket near the roof to reach its tipping point and send water crashing down on everyone below.  It felt like it all landed on me.  I put my hand over my glasses to keep them on my face.  Welcome to Great Wolf Lodge.

June was near the top sitting on the steps near the line waiting to go down the giant orange slide, not the biggest in the park, but close.  A nice young staffer, who looked to be about fourteen, politely told me she was too small to use it.  Not that I would have let her.

“Let’s go back down June.”

“OK, Papa.”

June ended up spending her day mostly on the pink and purple slides.  In height and speed, they were two notches above the yellow slides and never failed to make June smile when she came shooting out the pipe at the bottom.  If she went down those slides once, she went down a hundred times.  It was perpetual motion.  Shoot out the bottom, climb over the side, run through shallow water to get back to the steps, climb to the steps to the entrance, and do it again.  Over and over and over.  It wore me out just watching her.

We persuaded June and her four friends, all boys about her age, to stop for snacks and drinks.  But they wouldn’t stop long.  We got them to try the wave pool, which was hard to manage on their own without adults, so that was short-lived.  Even at three and four, they preferred the freedom of being on their own.  It happens so fast, doesn’t it?

We were successful in getting June to join me on some trips around the park on the lazy river.  She wanted her own inner tube of course, but latched onto my thumb and didn’t let go.  We traveled together, spinning around, navigating between the other floaters.  We pretended we were boat captains, navigating the current.  I hope I can get June on a real boat in Ottawa this summer.  Maybe a canoe trip down the Fox.  June’s to-do list is wide open.  I want to be part of it as much as I can.

When we left the water park and headed back to our rooms, we went into Birthday party mode.  The largest of our four rooms became the party room, we had the pizza delivered, got out the cupcakes Don and Moe made the day before, assembled presents, and when everyone arrived the party was on.  

What makes kids in hotels jump on the beds?  It’s universal.  It got loud, we had some drinks, and when we had eaten our fill of pizza, we gathered around June to light the candles, turn out the lights, and started singing her the Happy Birthday song. 

Those moments are June’s favorites.  Some kids are shy or embarrassed to be the center of so much attention.  June is not.  She glanced quickly at everyone singing and turned her attention to the three candles on the cupcake in front of her, doing everything she could not to blow them out before the singing stopped.  It was a repeat of the year before, with a taller June standing again in the midst of family and friends drinking in their love.

 When we got to the last “happy birthday to you…” June blew the candles out with a blast of air and led the yelling and clapping.  Another year in the books.  Will we all be here next year?  I hope so.

The next day after breakfast in the lodge at 7:00, June and her friends were hard at play in the water park until check out, when we went our separate ways.  We went back to June’s house to stay one more night.  She was asleep in her now front-facing car seat before we left the parking lot.

I forgot how deeply overtired kids can sleep.  When we were back at Don and Moe’s Hermosa bungalow June was dead to the world.  Lost in that kind of sleep where your arms dangle, your head rolls back, you don’t wake up for anything.  June’s Dad carried her to bed. 

Sometime later Don and Moe agreed that if they didn’t wake June up soon, she wouldn’t sleep through the night.  Those are discussions young parents have all the time.  Don opened her bedroom door, turned off the white noise machine, and opened the curtains.  Nothing.  We thought she would wake and come out to greet us.  June kept sleeping.

After a while I asked, “Can I go in there and maybe coax her awake?”

Moe answered.  “Go for it, Papa.”

I parked myself in a rocking chair by June’s bed and watched her sleep.  Then I started whistling as softly as I could “Dream a Little Dream of Me”.  I thought it was written by the Mamas and the Papas. That’s the sound I have in my head, Mama Cass’s sweet voice hitting those nice clear notes perfectly.  Turns out  the music was written by Fabian Andre and Gus Schwandt and the lyrics by Gus Kahn, in 1931.  It was later made popular by the likes of Louis Armstrong, Ella Fitzgerald, and Doris Day.

The whistling didn’t wake her up, so I sang the lyrics.  Most of them came back to me.  Even the second verse:

              Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you,

              Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you,

              But in your dreams whatever they be,

              Dream a little dream of me.

June rolled over, opened her eyes, and listened, but said nothing.  After a while she sat up, put the soles of her feet together, and held them with her hands.  In yoga that pose is “happy baby.”  June yawned repeatedly.  Then told me this, out of the blue.

“It’s OK a cry.  Like you get a shot?  You cry causa hurts. Know what Papa?”

June’s voice went up on the words know what Papa.  Just three years old and already uptalking.  She waited for me to respond.

“What June?”

“Doan hafta keep crying causa gone.  Hurt goes sway.  Doan hafta cry. ‘S gone.”

She held her hands out palms up beside her.  All gone.

Wisdom from a three-year-old, likely taught to her by her parents.  I can’t wait to hear what she’s thinking when she’s four.

Happy birthday June.