The Hot Dog Blog

We take hot dogs for granted. They are a staple of summer and yet we treat them like a commodity. Nothing could be further from the truth. I could say that hot dogs are as different, one from another, as snowflakes but that would be overdoing it. That would be hot dogging it, another meaning of the word.  I could, and should, be labeled a hot dog for even suggesting no one wiener in a bun is like another. They are. Writing hyperbole like that would be showing off.

But while each hot dog is not unique there is considerable variety in hot dogs, our beloved American meal, and that is why I bring you the hot dog blog, a review of hot dogs available for purchase in and near my home town of Ottawa, Illinois.

I begin my quest for the most delicious hot dog in Ottawa at the corner of Main and Fillmore.

Tone’s Dog House

Ambience: Tone’s Dog House, not to be confused with Tone’s Cones an alley width away, is a one room building. In that room is a fully visible kitchen, a counter, four tall tables, eight stools and a drive up window. The floor is made up of large black and white tile and the whole place is sparkling clean. There are big windows on two sides and a lot of light. It’s a simple little place, which allows your focus to stay where it belongs; on the dog itself.

Presentation: The waitress gives you your drink at the counter but brings the dog to where you sit. She names the order as she slides it in front of you,

“Dog with the works.”

And there it is. Nestled within a little red plastic basket, on top of white wax paper, is a hot dog with everything.

Condiments: On the table, on either side of a packed holder of white napkins, was a generic squeeze bottle of regular yellow mustard and another of ketchup. Those of course are in the sub category of optional condiments. The real action is on the dog itself, and answers the question “What is included when you order everything?”

On one side of the dog, from one end of the bun to the other, they had laid down a single line, not fat not skinny, of regular yellow mustard. On the other side, between the dog and the bun, was a nice portion of sweet pickle relish, the dyed green stuff, from end to end. On top of both of them was a layer of chopped white onions and an equal amount of chopped tomato. The tomato was pretty pink, but it is after all, only May. Carefully spaced were three sport peppers, the little ones. Sprinkled over all was a generous amount of celery salt. And finally, face down and juicy, was a wedge of dill pickle, maybe a quarter of a whole slim pickle, maybe less. Eat the pickle first. It picked up some of the celery salt. It was cold, fresh, and good.

Bun: You have your choice of poppy seed or plain buns. I got poppy seed. The Tone’s bun can best be described with three adjectives: warm, soft, and wonderful. You might add a fourth and call it pillowy, but I don’t want to get crazy here. Tone’s may have the best buns in town, in terms of bakery items only of course.

Dog: Vienna all beef wieners anchor the hot dog at Tone’s. It’s a small wiener, tasty, steamed, well cooked but with snap. It doesn’t overwhelm the condiments, but rather blends in. You know it’s in there, but it stays in the background.

The whole deal: Really good. Hard to fault any part of the Tone’s Dog House experience. The hot dog was so good I went on to have the chili dog. But we’re not reviewing chili dogs today. I give Tone’s Dog House four sport peppers.

****

The damage: Medium fountain Coca Cola (free refills but you have to ask), hot dog with everything $3.62.

Triple J Ice Cream

Ambience: Triple J’s is what Tones would be if the ice cream and hot dog operations were combined, a soft serve ice cream place with hot dogs, but not as crowded. It’s been a lot of things, that little building on Columbus right next to the I&M canal. When I came to town in the 70’s it was Wally’s Dairy Dream. Since then it has undergone lots of transformations, but this one appears to be making it. Triple J’s has a nice patio by its brick front with outdoor seating and four tables inside, those brushed steel pedestal tables. The dining area is clean and white with windows on three sides. You can look out on the bank of the canal and see reeds growing. You can look at the ice cream equipment right behind a long counter but the sandwiches are cooked and made behind a partition.

Presentation: The day I was there the joint was staffed by a single person who disappeared when she made my hot dog. I ordered a medium coke and a hot dog with everything which confused her.

“What’s everything for you?”

“Whatever you’ve got. The works.”

“You mean Chicago?”

“Yeah, Chicago.”

“OK then.”

Very quickly she brought a dog to the counter in the familiar fake woven red plastic basket with the white waxed paper, the Triple J Chicago Dog. The Triple J hot dog is advertised in the window as “Red Hot Chicago-Pure Beef Products”. A rival to Vienna all beef wieners I assume.

Condiments: There is a formula I guess for Chicago dogs fixings. Triple J’s dog was topped with fresh chopped onions and chopped pale tomato. Alongside the dog was a wide stripe of regular yellow mustard on one side and the green dyed sweet pickle relish o the other. You could see a smattering of celery salt. The pickle, bun length, hid two sport peppers. Big ones. It was nearly deja vu all over again. I picked up the pickle and it drooped. It was somewhat translucent where it was thinnest on the edge and not exactly cold. Not much crunch to that pickle. And I didn’t taste the celery salt.

Bun: No choice of bun at Triple J. It was the standard white hot dog bun and although it was fine, it could have been fresher and softer. A little heat would have helped it I think.

Dog: The dog was tasty, but it lacked snap. I want to feel my teeth go through the wiener casing before sinking into the mushy middle of the dog. I didn’t much feel that. I asked the waitress if they steamed their dogs and she was very frank

“We used to do them in a crock pot but they split sometimes, got too big. Now we boil them to order.”

My dog was served so quickly I’m not sure how she boiled it to order but that’s the story and I hate to cast doubt . And it is a good tasting dog. But something was off. It was too soft.

The whole deal: Truth be told the Triple J hot dog was a lot like the one I ate at Tone’s Dog House but not as good. The Triple J dog lacked balance. There were too few tomatoes and onions for my liking and not much celery salt. The mustard dominated the dog a little too much. And the sport peppers, being large, were tough and hard to bite through. They fell off. Any good dog experience involves spilled condiments, but it is hard to get the right amount of sport pepper in the mix of a mouthful if you can’t bite through them and they end up back in the basket. I give Triple J’s three peppers

*** (seems apropos for a place named Triple J)

The damage: Chicago hot dog, medium coke in a white Styrofoam cup with lid and straw $3.58.

P.S.-I had the small twist cone before I left, half vanilla half chocolate. Tasty.

Red Dog Grille

Ambience: Nautical and upscale. Red Dog Grille is the former Tracy’s Boat House at Heritage Harbor marina, which serves both the boating crowd and the public at large. When you sit at the Red Dog Grille, inside or out, you view the interior lagoon with the boat slips and big boats of those who both live there, permanently or on weekends, and those who dock their boats there just off the Illinois River. It’s a nice place, great at sunset, with the summer sun setting just beside the concrete grain silos to the west. I went there thinking they had changed the restaurant concept from the full menu of tony items available at Tracy’s Boat House to snacks and small meals like red dogs, as in red hots, a pseudonym for hot dogs. Au contraire. Red Dog refers to someone‘s favorite, and I assume dead and revered, Irish setter or an otherwise beloved red dog. Pictures and a small statuette of the canine adorn the eatery. If anything, the restaurant has gone tonier. It’s nice in there, not much different but touched up and made more comfortable and attractive. To be fair, we got there on the third night the doors were open, before the formal grand opening. Lots of wait staff and few patrons. It was sort of a shakedown cruise. My wife wanted to order the fish tacos, her old favorite still on the menu from Tracy’s, but went with a fancy burger instead. I ordered the one third pound hot dog.

Presentation: As I say, the restaurant is just getting off the ground and I hesitate to judge. But what they’ve done to the hot dog is something I think they may want to reconsider. Look at this.

What you’ve got there is a big hot dog split down the middle lengthwise. Split down the middle. It is lying on a bun likewise split into two pieces, separated by a big steak knife, and accompanied by a full setting of silverware and a cloth napkin. They serve it with three small fluted bowls of condiments. It was garnished with lettuce and a slice of orange. I looked up at the waitress when she put it in front of me. I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing. She was terribly friendly and attentive. I expected a hot dog. And a slice of orange?

Condiments: In the little ceramic bowls were a spicy jardiniere (heavy on the olive oil), spicy mustard, and ketchup. On the mutilated sausage was a pile of chopped onions. No tomatoes. They included a fine spear of dill pickle, but it was too late. Nothing could save it.

Bun: Who knows what the bun was like? You couldn’t see it, or feel it. It was flattened and spread out under the split in half dog. The juices from the dog were soaked into it. Had it been whole it may have had a chance. It was reduced to two skinny pieces of pale bread.

Dog: The dog actually had a good flavor, despite losing all its juice after being tortured, drawn not quartered. No dog should endure that kind of treatment. It was probably a wonderful wiener, a fine frankfurter as it were, before it was destroyed in the kitchen. There is no way to evaluate a hot dog so desecrated as that dog was.

The whole deal: I still don’t know what to say. I tried to put the poor thing back together and eat it with my hands as a hot dog should be eaten. The oil from the jardiniere ran through my fingers. The onions fell out the bottom of the bun. The mustard mixed with the olive oil and oozed out as well. It was a mess. I finally dropped the whole thing back onto the plate and began to eat it with my fork and yes, the steak knife. The fork went through the exposed part of the wiener but the skin coupled with the bun underneath was hard to get through. I used the knife. I almost didn’t want to be seen eating a hot dog that way.

Let’s remember, this was prior to the Red Dog Grille’s grand opening. Perhaps they were experimenting. Maybe they’ll get enough feedback that they serve it the way hot dogs were intended to be served; as a whole sausage, a complete and integral link of finely ground meat of unknown animal parts that retains its dignity, in a sturdy bun that holds both it and the condiments so you can get that classic hot dog bite. It’s a big dog. It would probably take six bites. Served correctly with some tweaks it could be good. We’ll never know. I can’t give it even one sport pepper. Consider it a work in progress. I don’t think it qualifies as a hot dog. My wife loved her burger. Let’s move on.

The damage: The hot dog, if you can call it that, was $6.00 by itself without tax or a drink. I had a craft beer. I needed two. But I was performing that night. Another story.

To be continued…